


Nightmares

by wolfie_winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-29 16:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3903019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfie_winchester/pseuds/wolfie_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's worst fear isn't flying. It isn't dying or becoming a demon again. It's not even losing Sam. </p>
<p>In fact, it's the exact opposite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam and Dean are hunting a Djinn in a rundown building when the creature manages to get them separated. When Sam is tossed into a wall, Dean knows that it’s up to him to get to them in time before his brother gets sent into dreamland. He tackles the Djinn to the ground just as he wraps a hand around Sam’s throat and they tumble away from the younger hunter, who slumps to the ground unconscious. Dean lets out a grunt as the Djinn knees him in the stomach. He rolls off the monster and just as he manages to get to his feet, he’s lifted into the air with a hand.

 

Any second, he expects the tattoos on the creature’s arms to glow. He waits to wake up in some perfect dream world, where he’ll no doubt have to fight his way out. But for whatever reason, the poison doesn’t work. At least he doesn’t think it does. His vision blurs and he gets a killer headache, but there’s no blackout and no pretty girl waiting for him in some imaginary world. His head clears soon after that and the Djinn is still holding him in place, but nothing else happens. He’s confused, but he doesn’t waste time dwelling on why this one seems defective and he kicks out, knocking the creature’s feet out from under him. They fall to the ground and he scrambles for his knife. Just as he wraps his hand around it, he gets a foot in the chest.

 

He groans and rolls away from the monster, pausing long enough to get his breath back before he lunges to his feet. The Djinn hangs back, waiting for Dean to make a move and just as he’s about to charge forward and bury his knife in his chest, Sam rounds the corner and stabs the creature in the back. His eyes pulse blue before it drops to the floor, dead. Sam pulls his knife free and wipes it on the Djinn’s clothes before standing up straight.

 

“You’re losing your touch, Dean,” he jokes.

 

“I was handling it!” Dean insists, fake pouting as he follows Sam out to the Impala. “You okay?” he asks as they climb in. Sam had been thrown against that wall pretty hard earlier. Dean thought he would’ve been out longer than he was.

 

“I’m fine. Are you?” Sam asks.

 

“Yeah. It was weird though. It grabbed me and did its thing, but nothing happened. I mean, I got a little dizzy, but all of me’s still here, you know?” he says. He pinches himself to demonstrate that he’s not dreaming and Sam shrugs.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe there’s something wrong with you,” he says.

 

Dean laughs and punches Sam in the arm playfully.

 

“There’s a lot of things wrong with me, Sammy,” he says, “Gonna have to be more specific.”

 

Sam chuckles and shakes his head as they climb into the car. Dean turns the radio on as they pull away from the empty building and drums his fingers on the wheel as the music plays. Sam is staring out the window and when Dean starts singing along quietly, he looks over at him.

 

“What?” Dean asks when he sees Sam raise an eyebrow.

 

“Dude, you know you can’t sing, right?” he says, smirking like the little (huge) brat he is.

 

“Doesn’t mean I won’t,” Dean replies, laughing and reaching to turn the music up. Sam rolls his eyes and makes a show of wincing and covering his ears while Dean’s volume raises to match the song coming from the speakers. When they slow to a stop at a red light, Sam takes the opportunity to reach for the volume dial, turning it back down to a non-earsplitting level.

 

“You know you wanna sing along, Sammy,” he says, though he doesn’t try turning the music up again.

 

“I wanna sleep is what I wanna do,” Sam replies, leaning back in his seat and resting his head on the window. “So keep it down, would you?”

 

Dean shrugs and Sam mumbles something about how annoying he is sometimes, which makes the older hunter chuckle to himself. That is his job after all. being a big brother and whatnot.

 

Sam sleeps all the way to the bunker and rather than doing the courteous thing by waking him up gently, Dean snickers and honks the horn, which makes Sam scramble awake. He glares at him and Dean smiles.

 

“That’s so not cool,” Sam complains.

 

“Oh come on, you gotta admit it was kinda funny,” Dean says.

 

“Maybe when we were kids, but now it’s just stupid,” he says crankily.

 

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the car.”

 

Sam rolls his eyes and gets out, slamming the door shut behind him. Sometime later after they’ve cleaned up and rested for a bit, Dean is in the kitchen making dinner when Sam strolls through, throwing on his jacket as he goes.

 

“Where you going? Dinner’s almost ready,” Dean tells him, reaching into the cupboard to grab the strainer for the spaghetti that’s cooking.

 

“Actually, I think I’m gonna go out to eat,” Sam says. Dean looks at him like he’s an alien. Sam’s never turned down a homemade meal, not since they finally found this place. Still, he supposes he can understand the appeal of some good fast food or take out. He shrugs and figures that just leaves more for him. Besides, an abundance of leftovers never hurt anyone. At least as far as they know.

 

“Alright then,” he says. “More for me.”

 

After Sam leaves, Dean wonders if maybe Cas would be down for having dinner with him. Last time he checked in with the angel, he wasn’t too far from Lebanon. Cas might not like human food much these days since he got his grace back, but at least he’d make for some company.

 

There’s still a few minutes left until everything’s ready and Dean takes the time to pull out his phone and call his friend.

 

“Hello Dean,” Cas replies.

 

“Hey buddy,” Dean says. “Where are you?”

 

“With Sam.”

 

Dean makes a confused face, though no one is there to see it.

 

“Sam?” he says.

 

“Yes. I was passing through and saw him in a diner. I thought I would check in with him,” Cas replies.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

“No. I was just going to ask if you wanted to come home and have dinner with me. I know you don’t eat anymore, but I haven’t seen you in person in a few weeks. Thought you might want to swing by,” Dean says.

 

“I’m busy. I only stopped by to see Sam for a moment. I’ll be leaving him soon. And you’re right, I don’t eat anymore so there’d be no point in spending time there,” Cas says. Dean frowns, thinking it strange that Cas wouldn’t want to spend time with him. Up until today, the guy hasn’t stopped texting him, asking him how he’s doing and if he feels okay since their encounter with Cain. He’d been certain that Cas would’ve jumped at the chance to see him. Instead, he’s sitting in a diner with Sam and Dean tries to push down the weird amount of jealousy he feels at that image.

 

“Right, of course. Wouldn’t want to bother you. I guess I’ll talk to you later then?” he says, phrasing the last part like a question.

 

“If I find the time,” Cas replies. “I have to go now, Dean. Goodbye.”

 

He hangs up before Dean can say goodbye back. The hunter stares at his phone for a second before shaking his head, a small grin appearing on his face. Cas can still be a little clueless sometimes when it comes to socializing. When the spaghetti is done cooking, he eats his dinner alone and once he’s put away the leftovers and cleaned up the kitchen, he goes to his room to relax for the night. He decides there’s no harm in binge watching a few episodes of Dr. Sexy on Netflix so he kills some time that way. When he shuts his laptop down, it’s past ten-o-clock. Dean wonders if Sam’s come back and he just didn’t notice, because it’s been a few hours since he went out to dinner.

 

Dean gets up and heads to Sam’s room. He knocks and when he doesn’t get an answer, he opens the door. Nobody’s home, so he walks over to the bathroom instead, thinking that maybe his brother went to take a shower. He presses his ear to the door and strains to hear anything, but it’s completely silent and he’s pretty sure Sam’s not in there. His suspicion is confirmed when he opens the door slowly, only to find that the room is empty.

 

“Sam?” Dean calls. “You home yet?”

 

He doesn’t get an answer and part of him worries that something happened, though it’s just as likely that Sam found a pretty girl and went home with her too. He decides that he’ll only start to panic if Sam doesn’t come back tomorrow at some point.

  
Dean goes back to his room, no longer fretting about Sam’s whereabouts and strips down to his t-shirt and boxers before he crawls into bed. He tugs the covers up and he reaches over to grab his iPod. He plays some softer music to help him fall asleep and he leaves it on his nightstand before he turns onto his side and closes his eyes.

* * *

 

The nice thing about the bunker is that it’s protected against every evil thing in the whole wide world. Dean never has to worry about something killing him in his sleep, which is something he’s never going to take for granted again. He sleeps later when he’s home and he didn’t realize until now that eight hours of sleep could be so _glorious_.

 

Dean wakes up the next morning around nine-thirty. His music has stopped playing and the bunker is silent except for the sound of his soft breathing. He sits up and stretches, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and turning on the bed. The floor is cool against his feet as he pads barefoot out to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

 

He’s a little confused, though mostly still groggy, and it takes him a second to realize that there’s no coffee made. Grumbling crankily to himself, he goes through the process of making some and sits down at the table while he waits for it to brew. Normally Sam is up earlier than him and always has a pot ready, since neither of them can get up in the morning anymore without a caffeine boost. Dean wonders absently if they should start worrying about that any time soon.

 

Once he’s had his coffee and some time to wake up, he realizes that Sam still hasn’t come back. Just in case, he checks his room again, but the bed hasn’t even been slept in. Dean looks at his phone to see if his brother has texted him, but he has no new messages, leaving him to frown at the device in confusion. Sam usually texts him if he’s going to be late coming back.

 

He waits until noon and when his brother has yet to return, he decides that it’s probably best to call him and make sure he’s not dead or something worse.

 

The phone almost goes through to voicemail when Sam picks up on the last ring.

 

“Yeah?” he says casually, like he hasn’t been gone for twelve hours.

 

“Dude, where are you?” Dean asks. “You didn’t come home last night.”

 

“Okay, Mom,” Sam says with a small laugh. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I went home with someone.”

 

“Yeah, I kinda got that. Why aren’t you back yet?”

 

“Well, she’s making us lunch and I didn’t want to be rude so I decided to stay.”

 

Dean blinks in confusion and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything.

 

“Dean? You still there?” Sam asks.

 

“Yeah. I’m here,” he says. “You know, normally we don’t do the whole morning after thing, right?”

 

“Maybe _you_ don’t,” Sam says. “But Amanda’s a nice girl. I didn’t feel right just leaving.”

 

“Alright then. But you are coming back, right?” Dean asks.

 

“Why? You need me to?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, I was thinking about staying here a little longer, so unless you need me for a hunt or something...”

 

Dean’s not sure if he’s imagining this or not. Sam’s not one to get attached to people he’s just met. Then again, who knows? The last time Sam was in a relationship with someone, Dean was trapped in Purgatory.

 

“Yeah, fine. I guess I’ll talk to you later,” he finally says. They say their goodbyes and then Sam hangs up, leaving Dean to stare at his phone in disbelief.

 

Some time later, Dean starts feeling a little guilty that he’d gone and tried to bring Sam home like that. If his brother’s happy, why is that a bad thing? And if he’s away from Dean, well that’s even better because it means he’s not in danger of being hurt like Cain said would happen. Dean doesn’t want to infringe upon his brother’s life to the point where he’s stuck in the bunker all the time with Dean when he could be out there with someone he likes.

 

Of course, with Sam gone and no one else for Dean to talk to, he gets a little bored. There’s nothing on TV, though that’s sort of a given these days, so Dean ends up in the library, perusing the collection there. Sam had started cataloging things a while ago and taking notes on different texts and artifacts the Men of Letters have been keeping locked up for years. Sometimes he would add their own knowledge to the records. As much as Dean dislikes research and busywork, it gives him something to do.

 

The day comes and goes without so much as a call or text from Sam. Dean’s too busy sorting and writing to really notice, but by the time the end of the day rolls around and he’s pretty sure he’s getting carpal tunnel from all the note-taking, he wonders if Sam plans on staying out another night. Just in case, he waits up for him to come home.

 

Dean digs into last night’s leftovers, since he’s the only one here to eat them and when he’s finished, he’s pretty sure Sam isn’t coming back tonight even though he wants to believe otherwise. He ends up falling asleep during a movie and when he wakes up halfway through the night, he turns off the TV and checks his phone. Nothing from Sam, again, and Dean pushes down the disappointment before he goes back to bed.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

In the following days, much remains the same. His afternoons are filled with boredom and uneventfulness. Dean calls Sam and his brother tells him that he’s totally fine and that he should stop worrying so much. Dean doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so unhappy. He should be glad for Sam being away from him and living a life on his own. Wanting Sam with him here twenty-four seven just seems cruel and selfish, so he resolves to try and be less sad about his brother’s absence.

 

Three days after Sam had left and not come back, Dean’s phone rings. It’s not Sam, unfortunately, but he does perk up a bit when he sees Cas’ name on the screen.

 

“Hey Cas,” he says, feeling a lot better than he has in days.

 

“Hello Dean,” Cas replies.

 

“So, what’s up? You finally coming home?” Dean asks.

 

“Yes,” Cas says and Dean’s heart leaps with joy.

 

“Awesome! Dude, Sam left a few days ago and he’s with some girl so I’ve been going out of my mind with boredom. I can’t wait to see you,” he says. He should be embarrassed at how eager he sounds, especially letting out that last part so enthusiastically. But right now, he’s climbing the walls for something to do and having Cas here will quell some of the tedium.

 

“Wait...what do you mean? Dean, I’m going to Heaven. Hannah wanted me back there to make sure Metatron’s not causing trouble. What did you think I meant?” he says confusedly.

 

Dean’s face falls and he almost lets out a whine, like he’s a little kid or something.

 

“I thought you were coming here. To the bunker,” he says.

 

“Why would you think that would be my home?”

 

“But...” Dean trails off, feeling stupid for thinking Cas would want to come here.

 

“I just wanted to call and say goodbye.”

 

“You say that like you’re not coming back,” Dean says. He sounds a little more panicked than he would like.

 

“If things go well up there, I might not,” Cas says.

 

Dean chest feels tight and he chokes out a little, “Oh.”

 

“Are you alright?”

 

 _Of course not_ , Dean wants to say. But if Cas going to Heaven means less trouble from Metatron, he’s not going to try and stop that.

 

“I’m fine. You can’t call or anything? Does Heaven not get good cell service up there?” he tries joking.

 

“Not really,” Cas replies seriously. Dean laughs at that but he can’t stop the sadness from welling up inside him. Despite the fact that it’s probably better that Cas and Sam are as far away from him as possible, he still clings to anything he can to get Cas to stay.

 

“What about the Mark?” he asks.

 

“What about it?”

 

“Well, aren’t you and Sam still looking for a cure?”

 

“I tried, Dean. I really did. But there’s nothing out there that I could find. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.”

 

Dean sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

 

“Okay, but you can’t just leave,” he says, not meaning to do so aloud.

 

“Why can’t I? My family needs me, Dean. I can’t abandon them.”

 

 _But we’re your family!_ Dean wants to shout. Cas’ so called family in Heaven has never done anything but cause trouble. And now the angel wants to go back to them? Cas has always had a forgiving heart though and he probably wants to mend relations between them or whatever. Dean just wishes that he could stay here too.

 

“I get it, Cas. I do, but why can’t you keep in contact with me?”

 

“Dean, is that really the wisest idea? You told me what Cain said would happen. Isn’t it better if I’m not there when it inevitably takes over?” Cas asks. And yeah, that is pretty reasonable. Cas doesn’t want to die and Dean doesn’t want to be the one that does it so in principle, it’s a very good idea for Cas to stay away from him. Still, that doesn’t stop him from wishing that Cas was here so he could at least say goodbye in person.

 

“So, this is it then? ET goes home?” he says. The last time he’d said those words had been right before Cas went to Heaven, intending to close the pearly gates for good. Now this time he really isn’t coming back and Dean finds it hard to form words around the lump in his throat.

 

“I understand that reference now,” Cas says and Dean can almost see his proud little smile that he has when he gets something. Somehow, the image only serves to make him sadder. He doesn’t realize that he’s tearing up until he blinks and his vision blurs momentarily.

 

“I’m almost to the gate. Goodbye Dean,” Cas says.

 

“Cas wait!” Dean shouts into the phone. He can’t let this happen, despite how selfish and guilty it makes him feel. When Cas doesn’t hang up, Dean sighs in relief.

 

“Please don’t go,” he says. “I need you here. Sam’s gone and I don’t know when, or if, he’s coming back. And now you’re leaving me too. Please, just...I want you to stay.”

 

Cas hesitates for a while before he answers.

 

“I’m sorry Dean, but I have pressing matters to attend to. I can’t waste time here anymore than I already have.”

 

“Cas, don’t make me beg,” Dean says pathetically. Cas is silent for so long that Dean fears he’s hung up. Eventually though, he hears a sigh on the other end.

 

“I know this is hard, but it has to be done. I hope to see you again someday. I wish I could say with certainty that I’ll see your soul in Heaven after it departs from this world, but given the current circumstances, I’m not so sure,” Cas says, like that makes anything better. The thought of becoming a demon again or going back downstairs scares him more than anything else. “I have to go now. I’m sorry.”

 

There’s a beep and Dean says Cas’ name into the phone, even though he’s not there anymore. Eventually, he turns it off and sets it down on the nightstand. Dean falls back onto his bed and stares up numbly at the ceiling. He wonders if Cas is up there in Heaven now with his brothers and sisters, safe and sound away from Dean. He tries to smile, to be happy for Cas and for Sam who still hasn’t returned, but his mouth won’t work right and instead he curls onto his side, clutching the spare pillow to his chest.

 

It feels as though someone is squeezing him until there’s no more air left in his lungs and he tries sucking in a breath, but all that does is make it worse. He closes his eyes and tries falling asleep. It takes him almost two hours until he goes under and even then, he dreams of watching Sam and Cas walk away from him, leaving him behind. Sam has the hand of a pretty blond girl, smiling at her as they talk and Cas is surrounded by his angelic kin, talking happily amongst them like nothing bad ever happened between them.

 

_You fight for this family, but the truth is, they don’t need you._

 

The words that Azazel had said to him what seems like a lifetime ago come rushing back to him, clear as a bell. He’d thought it was true then, but even more so now. Dean had hoped that would change over the years, but it’s clear to him now that nothing is different at all. Nobody needs him. Not Sam. And not Cas.

 

“Where are you guys going? Hey! Sam! Cas! Can anyone hear me?!” Dean shouts. Neither Sam nor Cas give any indication that they heard him. They don’t even glance in his direction. He starts to go after them, but with each step it’s like they’re further and further away. And then finally, Sam turns around, looks right at him and there’s no mistaking the happiness in his eyes.

 

“Dean, I’m so happy,” he says joyfully, holding the girl - Dean remembers her name is Amanda - close to his side. Sam stares at him for another second before sadness begins to creep into his expression. “Don’t you want that for me?”

 

“Of course I do,” Dean replies. “I’ve always wanted that for you.”

 

“Then why are you holding me back?”

 

Dean doesn’t have an answer to that and then Sam disappears along with his girlfriend. He turns to Cas, hoping that the angel will at least stay and listen. But then Cas laughs at something Hannah says and leans in to place a kiss on her forehead. Jealousy sweeps through him at an alarming rate and Dean wants to march over there and demand to know what Cas thinks he’s doing. But he doesn’t. Because Cas isn’t his, doesn’t belong to him in any capacity and it’s entirely Dean’s fault for never acting on those feelings he’s tried ignoring ever since the angel rescued him from the pit.

 

Cas turns towards him and he expects to see the same happiness that was in Sam’s eyes reflected in the angel’s blue ones. But instead there’s only cold anger there and Dean’s heart drops into his stomach.

 

“Now what, Dean?” he asks. “You seem upset. Then again, that seems to be how you are most of the time.”

 

“Cas, I-”

 

“Let me guess. You need me. Well I’m sorry if I seem reluctant, but each time I go to you I end up getting screwed over. If it wasn’t for you I’d still be on good terms with my family. I’d still have my grace. I wouldn’t have fallen. That’s all on you.”

 

“I know, Cas. I’m sorry, I-”

 

“I should have left you to rot in Hell.”

 

Dean chokes on a cry and he shakes his head.

 

“This isn’t you saying this. This is just a dream.”

 

“Dream or not, it’s the truth.”

 

Cas takes Hannah’s hand and he leads the other angels away. Away from Dean and back to their home in Heaven. It’s where Cas has always belonged and Dean doesn’t know why he was stupid enough to believe otherwise.

 

They disappear too and then Dean is left with nobody but himself. He forces himself to wake up then and it hits him that nothing’s changed from his dream. The bunker is still cold and empty. And he’s still alone.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been three weeks since Cas and Sam left and Dean is on a solo hunt for a vampire. It looks like it’s just the one, no signs pointing to a nest or anything. The empty passenger seat never escapes his notice and he stops playing music since there’s no one there to sing along with him. Without Sam there, the hunt takes longer than it normally would. He can only cover so much ground in a day, interview so many witnesses before he’s tired of talking to people without his brother by his side. Dean’s lost count of how many times he introduces himself and almost gestures to someone who’s not there to introduce his partner.

 

Dean finds the vampire and it turns out not to be the vicious killer he’s come to expect. She’s just a girl, recently turned and Dean doesn’t have the heart to take her head off. He tells her that she can get by with the blood of animals and after that he lets her go. There’s a few more papers from that town about strange animal deaths, but Dean ignores them as he heads back to the bunker.

 

When he stops for gas on the way there, he swears that he sees Sam standing inside the gas station. He runs in and unfortunately it turns out it’s just some guy with equally as long hair. Just so he doesn’t look crazy running inside for no reason, he buys a case of beer and some snacks for the road.

 

The closer he gets to the bunker, Dean finds himself hoping that Sam will have returned by now . It’s silly of him to think so, because if Sam hasn’t come back in the days since he left, why would he come back now? Dean’s left him countless voicemails, but he never hears back from his brother. He starts wondering if he’s been killed, and that’s just a whole other thing that eats away at him day and night.

 

He prays to Cas every night before he goes to bed. It’s stupid, but he can’t stop himself. He needs someone to talk to, even if he’ll never hear him reply. He’s on his knees at his bedside, hands clasped together on the bed while he tells Cas about his day. He wishes that he would just come back already, that Sam would come home, that he wasn’t so alone.

 

Some days, he feels better after talking to Cas. Other days, he almost drowns in the guilt that consumes him. He should just move on. Sam and Cas have clearly done the same. He’s the one with the problem, with the inability to let go of the people who no longer need him. Who have probably - most certainly - never needed him.

 

The bunker is oppressively silent these days. Dean hates it.

 

He calls Sam the next day and he gets his voicemail again. He tells him in no uncertain terms about how angry he is that Sam just up and left him. He snaps at him to come home already before he loses any more of his mind than he already has. He hangs up and then the day after that he calls with an apology for acting so harshly and trying to bring Sam back into the life that’s made them all so miserable for so long.

 

That night, Dean kneels at his bedside like he always does. He’s long past the point of feeling silly for doing this as he clasps his hands together.

 

“Castiel, I hope you’re getting these,” he starts. “If not, well, I guess I’m just down here talking to myself, huh?”

 

He pauses, eyes closed as he tries to find a way to put words to the utter loneliness he’s been feeling. He doesn’t want to sound needy to the angel, but that’s probably how he comes across every night when he talks to him.

 

“It’s so quiet here, Cas. Sam hasn’t come back yet. And you’re not here either. I hardly know what to do with myself anymore. I’ve gone through all the crap in the storerooms, read a bunch of the books in the library.”

 

He sighs.

 

“Sorry, you probably don’t wanna hear all this. Last thing you probably want is me whining about how lonely I am. Boohoo, right? Thing is...I’m trying to be happy for you guys. You don’t have to deal with me anymore and you’re safer away from me and the Mark. But it’s hard, Cas. It’s so hard to be here by myself. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”

 

Dean stops again, waiting for an answer that never comes.

 

“Alright, I guess that’s it. Good night, Cas.”

* * *

 

Dean ends up meeting Garth on one of his hunts. He’s so desperate for a familiar friendly face at this point that he’s the first one to pull the other hunter into a tight hug. He’s not sure if it’s Garth’s werewolf senses or just the fact that he’s a sensitive guy, but he seems to know something’s up the minute Dean lets go.

 

“You alright, buddy?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, I just haven’t seen a familiar face in a while. Sorry for uh...you know,” he trails off, a sheepish look on his face.

 

“Totally okay,” Garth says with a grin. “Anyway, let’s get to work.”

 

Dean and Garth end up having to dispatch a family of ghouls. It’s gross and Dean almost gets eaten, but in the end they come out mostly okay. When Dean is busy helping Garth sew up a cut on his back, he can’t help asking.

 

“Hey, have you talked to Sam at all lately?” he asks.

 

“Sam? Yeah, I saw him just the other day, actually.”

 

“Really?” Dean says in a strained voice. He’s not sure how to feel that Sam is keeping in contact with Garth but hasn’t even bothered calling him back.

 

“Uh huh,” Garth continues, oblivious to his inner turmoil. “He’s all settled down with a nice lady friend. They’re a cute couple you ask me. So, how have you been?”

 

“Oh, you know, saving people, hunting things,” Dean replies with a crooked grin. Garth chuckles and Dean finishes stitching him up before they go their separate ways. The other hunter wishes him farewell and gives him another hug.

 

“Tell Sam to call me. I haven’t talked to him in, like, forever,” Dean says before Garth pulls away in his car. Garth gives him a thumbs up and then Dean’s watching him drive away, leaving him standing alone next to the Impala.

 

He goes home to the emptiness of the bunker and sits in the library, waiting by his phone for a call that never comes. He huffs in frustration and wonders bitterly if Sam is having fun without his annoying older brother always breathing down his neck.

 

Dean prays to Cas again that night and he’s finally worked up the guts to tell him about how he feels. It’s not as though he’ll ever hear an answer anyway. For all he knows, Cas isn’t even listening, which makes it easier to talk somehow. He’d always been too scared when Cas had been around. Scared that Cas would leave or toss him back into the pit or something else that seems ridiculous in retrospect. Now, he just regrets keeping his silence. The things they never did, never said to each other weigh on him more than anything else.

 

“Hey Castiel. I don’t know if you’re listening, or if you can even hear me, but I just wanted to tell you something.”

 

Dean stops a moment to take a breath and he exhales slowly, releasing some of that tension in his shoulders.

 

“I never told you how I felt when you were here. I’m kinda regretting that, so I’m saying it now. Better late than never, huh? I should have said this over the phone. Maybe then you would still be here. Thing is Cas...I like you. Have for a while and I just never had the courage to tell you. And I don’t just mean that you’re a cool friend. I...I mean...I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to - to wake up next to you and fall asleep in your arms.”

 

He lets out a shaky sigh.

 

“But now...it’s too late and I missed out on all of that. On us. This - praying every night - is the only thing I have now and I don’t even know if you can hear me.”

 

Dean moves his hands from their clasped position to his eyes, wiping away the tears that seem to appear more often than not these days.

 

“I hate this,” he says. “I hate being alone. I miss Sam. I miss you. I want you to come back. I need you. I know you’re probably tired of me saying that, but it’s true. Please, Cas, I’m begging you. Come back to me.”

 

He doesn’t get an answer. He never does. Dean gets on the bed and lies on his side, staring at the far wall where all his weapons are mounted. He shuts his eyes and chokes back the sob in his throat. Not for the first time, Dean wonders if Sam or Cas would care if he grabbed one of those guns and used it on himself. Would they even notice? The calls to Sam would stop and so would his prayers to Cas, but they both seem to ignore those as if he doesn’t exist in the first place, so would anything really be different?

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes Dean thinks about looking for Sam. He thinks about showing up at his doorstep and tearing him a new one for abandoning him. But he never follows through on that thought, too afraid of what will happen if he does. Sam has not once called him since the last time they spoke nearly two and a half months ago. If he’d wanted to talk to Dean or see him, he would have at least picked up the phone.

 

Other days, Dean thinks about packing up and moving out. There’s hardly anything left for him here anymore, all the things that made it a home for him now long gone. But there are still monsters to be killed, people to be saved and this place is about as close to a homebase that he’s had since Bobby’s house. He can’t just give up hunting because his feelings are hurt.

 

During his nights, Dean keeps talking to Cas, pleading with him to come back, telling him he loves him. He asks him to watch over Sam, if he even cares about them anymore. After a while, he stops and instead just calls on him to say goodnight and asks to watch over his dreams like he used to. But almost every other night, he still has nightmares and eventually he stops talking to Cas too.

 

Until one day long after Dean has stopped counting the weeks he’s been alone, Cas talks to him.

 

He thinks he’s hearing things at first - that the utter silence of the bunker has finally driven him crazy and he’s hearing ghosts of conversations they used to have in its halls. Dean is sitting in the library, nursing a bottle of whiskey since that’s one of the only few things he has the energy to do these days besides hunt. That’s when he hears Cas’ voice, faint but definitely there. He almost drops his glass in his haste to stand up and look for the angel.

 

“Cas?!” he calls, ignoring how desperate he sounds. His mind is hazy with the drink and he must not be thinking clearly if he thinks he can hear Cas.

 

“Dean, where are you?” he hears. He shouldn’t indulge the fantasy. Sam would have some psycho babble crap to say about unhealthy mental states or whatever, but Dean’s past the point of no return in that respect. So he keeps calling out to his hallucination, hoping that maybe his eyes will start playing tricks on him too so he can at least see the angel he hasn’t in who knows how long.

 

Sure enough, Cas emerges from the hallway that leads to the bedrooms, looking exactly the same as the last time Dean saw him. The hunter’s heart sings in his chest and he walks over to Cas as if he were in a dream. He reaches out, eyes wide, hand nearly touching. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he goes to touch Cas and his hand slides through thin air like he expects it will.

 

“Dean, it’s me,” Cas says. He touches Dean’s shoulder and just like that, the wall he’s kept up to protect himself from the pain of abandonment comes tumbling down. He tugs Cas close to himself almost forcefully and squeezes him so hard that even though Cas is an angel, it will probably leave bruises.

 

Cas looks down at where his head is buried in his coat, brow scrunched in confusion.

 

“Are you alright?” he asks. Dean lets out a laugh and somehow manages to nod.

 

“I am now,” he croaks between his shaking sobs. He’s not alone anymore. Cas is back. He’s here. He’s home.

 

“Dean, you need to wake up. Sam and I managed to kill the Djinn and the poison is wearing off, but you have to leave this place for it to fully leave your system.”

 

Dean blinks up at him, the sight of those blue eyes blurred by his teary vision.

 

“What?”

 

“This isn’t real, Dean. You’re dreaming. Sam’s worried about you and if I hadn’t come along, you might not have made it.”

 

“What?” Dean repeats, his mind not comprehending whatever the angel is saying. He hasn’t hunted a Djinn in forever. He hasn’t hunted with Sam in forever. The last time was when Sam had left and that one hadn’t been able to work its magic.

 

“I’m so sorry I have to do this,” Cas says. “But you need to wake up and we’re running out of time.”

 

He takes out his angel blade and before Dean can ask what he’s doing, he runs him through with it.

 

The pain only lasts a second and then Dean is gasping, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the small room he’s in. His arms ache something fierce and he feels lightheaded and dizzy. Someone pulls something out of his neck and he winces, looking down at whoever’s responsible. He has to blink a few times to realize that it’s Sam standing in front of him, shaking him and asking if he’s okay.

 

“Sam?” he manages. Tears spring to his eyes again and once Sam frees his wrists, he collapses forward into his brother, clinging as tightly as he can in his weakened state.

 

“Dean! Dean what’s wrong?” he asks.

 

“You’re here. You came back,” Dean gasps.

 

“Came back? Where did I go?” Sam says in confusion. Dean looks up at him, his brother’s skin pale and streaked with blood. His clothes are torn in some places and he looks like he’s just come away from a fight. Only then does Dean glance around the rest of the room and take in his surroundings.

 

There’s a body on the floor, knife sticking out of its back. Strangely enough, it looks like the Djinn that he and Sam fought months ago. He’s still a bit confused as to how he got here, why Sam is back and why Cas is standing off to the side, watching him with concern. It takes a while for the pieces to fall into place and when they do, Dean lets out a relieved, hysterical laugh.

 

“It wasn’t real,” he tells himself. “It was just a dream.”

 

“Dean?” Sam says, softly now. He rubs his back and helps him to his feet. Dean is a little wobbly on his legs from not using them in a while. Cas comes over to help while Sam disposes of the Djinn’s body and cuts down the others still trapped in their dream states, though most appear to be waking up. The angel picks Dean up effortlessly and he just lets him, relishing in the feel of another person’s presence.

 

Cas seems to know without asking what Dean had dreamt.

 

“You’re not alone anymore,” he says quietly. “I will never leave you. And neither will Sam.”

 

Dean nods and despite having been asleep for who knows how many days, he rests his head in the hollow of Cas’ throat and closes his eyes again.

~~~~~~

When he wakes up, he’s at the bunker and for a brief terrifying second he thinks that everything that he remembers before falling asleep wasn’t real. That he’s still alone. The fear crushes him and leaves him breathless and he only calms down when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Dean! Hey, you’re okay,” Sam says. Dean stares up at him like he might disappear if he looks away. His brother sits on the edge of the bed and watches him carefully.

 

“Cas told me what happened,” he says. “The Djinn we were hunting was like the one we encountered with Charlie. It feeds off fear. When we finally found you, it said that it was keeping you alive longer than the rest because...because there was so much fear for it to live off of.”

 

Sam’s eyes harden as he recalls whatever must have happened when they found Dean.

 

“He said that it was like he was a starving man and you were an all you can eat buffet.”

 

Dean watches him quietly, happy to let his brother talk. He’s had enough of listening to his own voice for a while.

 

“You know I wouldn’t do that to you, right? I wouldn’t just up and leave like that and never call you again. Even if I did find someone to be with, I’d still talk to you. We’d still see each other.”

 

Dean just nods, not sure if he really believes that.

 

Sam stands up and goes to the door. Dean’s out of the bed faster than he can think and grabs his brother’s arm tightly, eyes wide with fear.

 

“I’m just going to get Cas. Tell him you’re awake,” he says softly, taking Dean’s hand and moving it off him. “You can come with if you want.”

 

Dean shuffles along after him, unwilling to stray very far from him. They enter the library and Cas comes over to him right away, embracing him. Dean doesn’t resist or protest. He just lets Cas hold him and Dean presses his nose in the angel’s clothes, breathing him in.

 

“I heard you,” Cas says, rubbing his back. “When you would pray to me in your dream, I could hear you. I didn’t have enough power to go to you. I’m so sorry, Dean. I would have gotten you out of there sooner if I could have. I had to drink the African dream root to go in after you and we had to kill the Djinn before I could do that.”

 

Dean simply nods and buries his head further into Cas’ coat, closing his eyes and basking in the angel’s presence.

 

“I heard what you said to me and I need you to know that I feel the same. I have since I saw you in Hell,” Cas says, kissing the top of his head. Dean can’t help the way his body trembles as he moves back slightly, grabbing Cas’ face and pulling him into a desperate kiss. Cas’ thumbs brush away his tears and one hand slides back and threads into his hair.

 

Dean pulls away with great effort and rests his forehead against Cas’.

 

“I love you,” he whispers, no longer afraid. He’s made peace with that reality long ago. “I love you so much Cas. Don’t ever leave me, please. I need you.”

 

“I know, Dean. I love you too. I won’t leave you, I swear it,” he assures him. He strokes Dean’s hair and pulls away so he can kiss Dean’s forehead, the tip of his nose, his closed eyelids. He ends at his lips and Dean is blushing but he can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed.

 

He leans into Cas’ arms when they separate and for the rest of the day, he’s never very far from his angel or his brother. He makes dinner for them for the first time in what seems like a very long time. Sam is delighted to eat one of Dean’s homemade burgers and Cas declares that while he can only taste molecules, Dean’s meals always produce the best tasting ones.

 

They all gather around the TV in his room to watch whatever’s on tonight and Dean sits in Cas’ lap while the angel blurts out all the answers to the Jeopardy questions, with some brief interjections from Sam. Dean only knows a few of the categories but he’s much more concerned with the fact that he actually has people to watch TV with again.

 

Dean is reluctant to let Sam go that night, but it would be super awkward for him to stay, so they manage a compromise that Sam says he saw in a movie once. The plan is - Dean will go to sleep and then during the night, Sam will come in and draw something on the back of his hand. It doesn’t matter what, but when he wakes up, Dean will know that Sam is still here.

 

He feels a little silly doing it, like he’s a stupid little kid, but Sam and Cas say that if it makes him feel better, that he shouldn’t feel bad about it. Cas stays in his room after Sam leaves and that spare pillow Dean’s always kept on the other side of the bed finally sees some use.

 

Cas lies down on his back and Dean sprawls on top him, head resting on his chest listening to his heartbeat. It’s way better than any music he ever used to aid him in falling asleep and within minutes, Dean is out like a light.

 

When he wakes up the next morning, Cas is lying there underneath him, eyes closed even though Dean knows he’s not sleeping. He looks at the back of his hand and he can’t help barking out a laugh - the first genuine one since he woke up from his Djinn dream - at the message written there.

 

“What is it?” Cas asks, eyes still closed. Dean just shakes his head, rubbing at the ink on the back of his hand and hoping to God that it’ll wash out.

 

“You’d think the kid was still in high school,” he mutters.

 

“Why?”

 

“The dumbass drew a freakin’ dick on my hand!”

 

Dean jumps when Cas bursts into unexpected laughter and he watches the angel’s body shake with the motion. The hunter merely rolls his eyes. At least someone’s having fun.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh, I don't like this one as much. It sounded good at the time I posted it, but I'm too lazy to delete it, yet I didn't want to leave it incomplete either. 
> 
> Oh and bonus points if you know which movie I was talking about at the end of this chapter. I don't know if that's a common thing or not in movies, but I did have a specific movie in mind at the time I wrote it.


End file.
